Title: The Bodies In The Woods
Characters: DCI Tom Barnaby, DS Ben Jones, Doctor George Bullard, Tenth Doctor, James (OC)
Summary: The Doctor and James end up getting involved in events in Badger's Drift. A Midsomer Murders/Doctor Who crossover.
Rating: PG13
A/N: This was originally part of a fic meme thing but I decided to extend it.

"All right, what have we got?" Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby asked, crouching down next to a red headed man clad all in black, lying face down in the wooded area of Badger's Drift. He looked over to where a tall dark haired man wearing brown pinstripes and off white Converse trainers lay next to the body, arm outstretched towards the other man. The back of his head was wet, as if he had been struck from behind.

"Two males, one bashed on the head and the other stabbed in the back. Discovered by Mrs Birch as she walked her dogs," Barnaby's colleague Sergeant Ben Jones stated.

"Any idea who they are?"

The man in the pinstriped suit suddenly lurched into a crouching position and rubbed his head. "I hate it when that happens. Ow!" he muttered in a distinctive London accent, noticing the blood on his fingers. He noticed his companion and crawled over to him. "Oh, James," he said sadly, lifting a shaking hand to run his fingers through the red strands. "You're so cold."

"I'm afraid he's dead," Jones said, startling the crouching man. "We thought you were too."

"I'm fine... Dead?" the dark haired man wobbled as he fought his way to his feet. "He's..."

"Did you see who hit you?" Barnaby questioned, hating the sad look on the other man's face. "Let's get you to a hospital."

"Don't want to leave him. We were walking and he wandered off. I told him not to but he did. I go to find him, then I see him... and then nothing."

"Names?"

"I'm... John and he's James."

Barnaby rolled the red head over and stared. The man was almost identical to the other man except for the red hair.

"We're not related," John stated, guessing what the next question was going to be. "Just a quirk of the universe."


Much later, George Bullard was just preparing James for the autopsy when his eyes opened and he sat up. "What?" George stammered, dropping his scalpel. He reached forward to check the red head's pulse. "No pulse." He noticed the wound in the red head's back was slowly healing.

"Wha...?" James began, his voice croaky from disuse. "What happened?"

"You're dead," George said, walking over to the phone.

"What do you mean I'm dead?" James asked. "I can't be..," he trailed off as he checked his pulse. "I am. I... where's the Doctor?" he asked, looking around.

"The Doctor? He wouldn't happen to be a tall man wearing brown pinstripes, would he?"

"Yes."

"He's upstairs talking to Tom."

"I want to see him."

"Fine." George punched in a few numbers. "Tom, you better get down here. And bring the Doctor... John with you."


A few minutes later, Barnaby, Jones and the Doctor entered the autopsy room. "What have we got, George?" Tom asked pleasantly.

"I think you better see this for yourself," George said, moving aside so they could see the slightly confused James wandering around.

"He was faking?"

"Oh no. He has no pulse. He is effectively dead. He seemed a little shocked about the whole no pulse thing."

"James!" the Doctor exclaimed enveloping the other man in a hug. "I was so worried."

James wrapped his arms around the Doctor. "Why do you smell of blood?" James asked softly.

"I was apparently bashed on the back of the head. It's nothing, just a tiny headache."

Jones stared as the Doctor spun James around so he could see the slowly healing wound. "Is that..?"

"Yes. It's real."

"Quit spinning me around. I think I'm going to be sick," James stated. "I'm dead," he said, sitting down heavily.

"All we need to do is kick start your heart and you'll be fine," the Doctor said. "Maybe those paddle things."

"They hurt."

"Would you rather be the walking dead?"

"No."

"Well then."

James pouted. "Couldn't you do it the way you did it before?"

"I could but I don't think our friends over there would appreciate us using the table for that purpose. I'll make it up to you."

"You better," James said, lying back down. He yelled in pain as George used the paddles on his chest. "I'll hold you to it, Doctor."

Barnaby looked confused. "Why am I not surprised?" He looked at Jones. "Remember Harkness?"

"The stabbing victim that came back to life?" Jones asked. "Then he was shot, drowned..."

"Harkness? You mean Captain Jack Harkness?" the Doctor asked, looking up at them in interest. He pressed his hand to James' wrist. "Pulse all normal."

"Yes. How do you know him?" Barnaby questioned, wondering what these two men had to do with Jack.

"You aren't Torchwood, are you?" Ben asked suddenly.

"How do you know Torchwood?" James questioned suspiciously.

"How can we not know Torchwood?" Barnaby exclaimed. "They barge in on my crime scenes and your Captain Harkness decides to play dead a few times..."

"He does that," James said simply. "It's his... thing."

"What I want to know, is how you managed it," Barnaby demanded.

"Well, I'm just... very lucky," James answered vaguely. He squirmed. "Why do I feel uncomfortable?"

"That's because I took a cast of the stab wound before you woke up," George answered.

"You poured something into my body? No wonder my healing abilities are all messed up."

"Usually my patients don't complain," George retorted.

"There's always a first time. Those paddles hurt, by the way."

"My cousin works for Torchwood," Ben stated, breaking in to the potential argument. "Ianto Jones."

"I know Ianto," James answered in a tone of voice that implied he knew more than he was telling. "Tell me this... when Jack was involved, did he blow anything up?"

"Never mind that!" Barnaby said, changing the subject. "Did you happen to see anything before you were stabbed in the back?"

"No! Well, not as such, but there was a smell of blood in the air. I went to investigate. My brother always said my nose would get me into trouble one day, heard a crunch behind me and the next thing I know, I wake up about to be autopsied." He shivered and looked down at himself. "Um, any chance of some clothes?"

TBC